So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this will be a night to untag.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
