I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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