someone threw a dead crab at me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize