I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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