Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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