Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
