this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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