she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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