i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
