You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
bring money and cleavage
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
