i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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