yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
do herpes really smell.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
