AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
