Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
