Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
