Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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