I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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