I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
