i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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