next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
