What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
