Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
