Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I supernannyed him into submission
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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