he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
