found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
