I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
