Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
