I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
