he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
