My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
