seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
