Your mouth is God's brothel.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
