YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
