So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
