I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
