No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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