i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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