I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
