Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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