I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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