can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize