I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
