He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
