You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
