loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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