I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
