i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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