Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
