I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
