we made out on top of his cat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
