Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize