Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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