We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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