I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
