i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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