I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
