Don't make out with my wife yet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
