I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
