No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
