Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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