I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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