I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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