my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
