i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
