It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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