How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
