I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
