My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
