I heard we made out
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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