Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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