Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
