i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
