i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
