Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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