She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
