There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
