A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
