Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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