I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The power of my boobs compel you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
