Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
