Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
