This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
