i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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