i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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