that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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