Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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